15 September 2021
Ksenia (37): On Post-divorce Adventures, Self-reflection And Dating Younger Guys
There are no borders on Pure, you can chat with people from anywhere around the globe - from Moscow to Paris, New York to London, you just name the city! Our today's story is coming from Ksenia, who is based in Kyiv, mesmerizing capital of Ukraine. Wanna share your story too? We would be delighted to talk with you, send us an email at [email protected]
I'm originally from Kyiv and still live there. Back in the day I traveled for a while and then came back home. I got married and had a child. My son is now four and a half years old. I divorced 2 years ago and after some time got back into the dating world.
I am currently doing publishing and working with Ukrainian non-fiction.
Nothing happens on Tinder
I’ve been following Pure on Instagram for quite some time now. I don’t really remember how I found it, but I love the content. It's awesome - especially the comics. And even though I am a big fan, somehow I never used the app.
I once met up with this guy from Tinder. At one point he said to me, "You know, a lot of my girlfriends have found their bfs through Pure, maybe you should give it a try?". We spent some time with him and, surprisingly, became friends. He's a really cool dude. And I thought to myself: yeah, maybe I should try Pure - I’m sick of these dates where nothing ever happens.
I really like the fact that there are no weird small talk rituals and people would rather get straight to the point. And no, it’s not a "When are we going to fuck?" kind of thing, but rather opening up and expressing yourself freely. They flirt with you, get playful, which is something I really miss in my life. I like that.
An older woman
On Pure, I discovered that there are a bunch of guys a little over 20 years old who are interested in older women. And once I realized I am the older woman in question, I just lost it. Because I never felt that way! I had just spent 5 years with a man one day younger than me - and now I’m suddenly a “milf”.
A couple of married men have hit on me with the infamous "Hey, I’m married and looking for a side" - to those I reply, "Hey there, congrats, I have no interest in married men. I wish you the best of luck though."
Then of course there’s people looking for all kinds of threesome combinations and interesting offers of that sort. But I like that here I can find playful, flirty individuals with short and catchy ads - I really dig those.
What about the kid?
Good question. My mom is so cute, she says, "You actually went on dates while I was babysitting your son? - and I’m like, "Yeah! It wasn’t just you though - his own dad too."
It takes a village to raise a child. And I have that village. His father is present in his life, we still make it work despite our bitter separation.
I used to think that in order to go on a date, I had to free my evening in advance, plan everything, and put in all the effort. And then I realized that was so unnecessary. I’m only willing to go all out when I really want to - like if I’m meeting someone special or we have exciting plans for the evening and know exactly what we’re gonna do.
Quite often I will just meet them during the day: We can have a quick lunch, look at each other, see if there’s a spark. If that works out, I'll make arrangements for our proper date - I'll call the nanny, or my son's father, or my mother. On average, I go out about once or twice a week. I don’t have a permanent partner at the moment, so I think that rate is quite a success. And of course, I don’t spend every night with some handsome stud.
The intimacy of it all
This guy once started flirting with me right away, quite aggressively too. It was one of my first matches, and I thought, "Oh, this is interesting!" He kept texting me and then said we should go out to dinner ASAP. "Asap won't do, how about tomorrow?" - "Tomorrow then." And then we met up. Turns out he was 10 years younger than me.
He was a bit random: one minute he’s joking around, before you know it he jumps to some very serious topics. Like, we were talking about some random stuff, and then out of the blue he goes - "Actually, I served in the military, and it left a mark on me in different ways", then we go right back to small talk. As if he was trying to cover what he said as soon as the conversation was starting to get a little deeper.
And then we come to the most important part: sex. We arranged to meet on a certain day, he started sending me pictures from the hotel: golden bed, golden this and that, very fancy. On a big couch next to the bed I could see lube, all kinds of condoms, a liquid vibrator...
We get to this hotel, start kissing, lay down on the bed for some foreplay, and then he goes, "Look, I don’t think I can get him up." I say, "What now?" - "Well, I’m afraid it just won't happen tonight." - "So, what are we going to do?" - "Let’s go to bed, I’m very tired." - "Alright."
I find myself wide awake, and the situation is so weird - there's practically a stranger in my bed, the bed isn’t even mine, I’m exhausted, but of course I can’t leave him here alone and go home. What do I do now?
So we just turned to each other and started talking. And it was really nice. He told me about himself, about his ex. It turns out he used to date a woman even older than me and they were together for a year and a half, she had a daughter, they lived together and everything. I told him about my labor, he told me how he saved his father from a heart attack. It was very meaningful to him, but his parents didn’t seem to appreciate it much - to them he’s still the same kid “without a normal job or a degree.”
We actually laughed a lot. Not in a mocking way, rather letting go and enjoying the moment.
We talked for a very long time. We went to bed at nine and only fell asleep after midnight. I didn't expect it to be so fun. He said, "This is definitely the funniest date in my life, I won't forget it. Otherwise, we would’ve just had sex and gone our separate ways."
He went to take a shower in the morning and said, "Now you’ll at least look at me naked, otherwise you’d never see how young and handsome I am." After the shower he covered himself with a towel and then took it off saying, "Check out how great I look, I even shaved for our date." He shows me his scar, says it’s from a surgery. And that whole thing was so human of him. You cannot get more naked than that, physically and emotionally. We felt very close, it was such a great moment of intimacy - the kind of intimacy that would be typically impossible to resist.
I really wish that all the life stories, warmth, openness - these things would matter most. Because those "my dick size", "how tight are you", "are we sexually compatible" are just a small and quite insignificant part of everything that happens between two people.
And stories like this one - they make it truly worthwhile.We talked for a very long time.
For me PURE is...
Your most successful ad:
When you come to the kitten and meet a tigress…
I wanted to playfully express that there’s more than meets the eye, and sex is literally the best way to show your "wild" side.
What is the first thing you tell about yourself:
When I message someone first, I try to work with the ad of my match. I build up a conversation around it, make it flirty, and let the small talk begin. Then I just answer everything the person asks.
What’s not a good topic for the very first chat:
I don't think I have any taboos, more like internal rules. When we first start talking, I try to really consider my new partner, listen to him, let him speak. I answer questions, ask my own - it’s all about the context and letting things unfold. At the same time, I prefer to not "dump" everything on him at once. In my opinion, intimacy should develop slowly, same with trust. Personal data, address, and other private info, of course, stay under lock and key for obvious reasons.
What are some fantasies you’ve managed to realize with someone from Pure?
I'd like to try shibari, but surely not on the first date. Gradually, after spending some time with a person, with the confidence and freedom it brings - that could be fun.
What’s something you’ve never tried and won’t try?
Any practice that can be traumatic or painful, scat-related stuff, as well as that "generous man looking for a mistress to spoil". And minors.
In a potential partner, you are most attracted to….
The ability to speak and communicate openly, to make mistakes, to doubt, to be curious, to laugh - those qualities really excite me.
You will never date someone who…
Tries telling me unprompted what he thinks is wrong with me and how to fix it, demands a "hot" photo right away, and says “you’ll never find anyone better than me”.
The coolest thing about Pure is…
How straightforward it is, and how fast you can make a connection with someone. It’s as if it’s all just about sex, when in reality it’s more about finding intimacy in all kinds of forms.
A piece of advice for someone who just downloaded the app?
Be playful and honest, and try to find That One Match. After all, you might match with someone who’s not even that into you, but you’ll also come across those who will ecstatically say “Jesus, you’re hot as hell!” - you’ll have the time of your life with them!