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90% of women have kinks — but fear stops them exploring

90% of women have kinks —  but fear stops them exploring

There was once a time the mere mention of sex outside of the bedroom would cause outrage and anything more than boring old missionary was considered provocative. But no more!

Today, 75% of all US adults own a sex toy, 86% have tried BDSM at least once, and 19% have engaged in a threesome. It’s a sexual revolution and many are enjoying the kinks they’ve always fantasised about — but not everyone. 

Pure surveyed 3,000 adults on the desires they wish to explore and their willingness to share their sexual interests with their partner. The results show that while kinks are far from unusual, the sense of taboo remains, and many women still struggle to bare all. Yet, our sexuality is ours, and all should feel free to enjoy it as they wish.

Key takeaways:

  • More people are enjoying their sexuality, but for many women, the taboo remains. While 90% have sexual interests they wish to explore, 46% have felt uncomfortable when discussing their desires with a partner. 
  • Over half are concerned that sharing their interests will lead to judgment, while 32% feel their interests would make them incompatible with their partner. Likewise, 26% fear their partner will share their secrets with others.
  • Yet, these worries are often all for nothing. Not only are kinks far more common than most would believe, but 81% of people are willing to experiment to please their partner.
Taboo talks: The struggle to share our true desires
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We’re no longer a society of sexual prudes — 35% of women are interested in threesomes, 32% would like it rough, and 21% are intrigued by roleplay… So what’s stopping up from living out our wildest fantasies?

90% of women have kinks —  but fear stops them exploring.1. 2

The discomfort that discussing sex causes. While having our needs met is a source of pleasure, talking about them isn’t for many women. Some 46% admit they have felt uncomfortable discussing their sexual desires with a partner in the past.

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Sex may no longer be taboo, but it’s hard to let go of the feeling that it should be kept secret. For 62% of women, “hanky panky”, “boinking”, and “taking a trip to pound town” are just fine — but calling it sex is a step too far. While most use euphemisms for the fun of it, for close to one in ten women, it’s because using the actual word causes discomfort.

90% of women have kinks —  but fear stops them exploring.1. 4

Similarly, 10% of women still find the thought of telling their partner they masturbate uncomfortable, despite the fact it’s entirely normal — with 97% of all men and women enjoying some self-love every now and then.

90% of women have kinks —  but fear stops them exploring.1. 5

The desire to keep our self-stimulation private is even greater when it comes to our porn preferences. While most are more than happy to admit their go-to Pornhub category to their partner, some 16% like nothing more than to shy away from the topic.

What’s causing women to shut down sex talk?
90% of women have kinks —  but fear stops them exploring.2. 1

For 29% of women, it’s regret that causes them to repress their urges and shut down when it comes to discussing their deepest sexual desires.

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For 52% of women, their greatest fear is judgment, while 32% hold concerns their partner won’t share their enthusiasm to experiment. With society having taught us that sexual quirks are abnormal, despite how common kinks are,  finding the courage to share can be stressful. 

But rest assured — with 51% of men sharing this same fear, there’s a high chance your partner feels the same way, so why not be brave and make the first move?

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There is generally less judgment in the dating scene today, but these fears aren’t entirely irrational. While most would be open to trying new things to please their partner under the sheets, 51% of women admit they struggle to share due to past negative experiences.

Embrace and explore: Liberating women's sexual curiosity
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Yet, chances are you’re probably worrying about nothing. Whether it’s power play, public sex, or getting cucked, there’s a 79% chance that your partner also has a few kinks they would love to explore with you. So stop letting fear and uncertainty get in the way of an adventurous sex life.

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Whether you’re interested in men, women, or all of the above, chances are your partner will be more than happy to explore your fantasies. While some may be less willing to admit to their own desires, 81% of people would be open to trying something new to satisfy their partner.

A desire to please or a lack of sexual freedom?
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Sometimes that unwillingness to admit what we really want goes the other way and, rather than hiding our true desires, we find ourselves doing things we have no real desire to do. Two thirds of women admit that they do things during sex that they don’t enjoy.

90% of women have kinks —  but fear stops them exploring.4. 2

Why? Often simply because we want to please our partner, given 55% of women admit they have stopped using contraception to make their mate happy. But if you’re particularly worried about unwanted diseases or unexpected pregnancies, you shouldn’t feel pressured to put your partner’s pleasure above your own.

90% of women have kinks —  but fear stops them exploring.4. 3

Although, while 17% admit they stopped using protection because they really liked their partner, 34% admit it’s because of the way it feels. There’s no denying that ditching the condom makes sex more enjoyable, so if that’s how you like it, your partner doesn’t mind, and you’re aware of the potential consequences, do whatever makes you happiest (and horniest)!

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However, worryingly, 25% of women feel they cannot say stop while doing the deed. You can and, if you feel uncomfortable, you should. Being sexually free doesn’t mean you have to enjoy everything. Give it a go (but only if you want to) and, if you decide it isn’t for you, don’t feel you have to wait until climax to call it quits. 

That’s what sexual freedom is all about — Exploring your sexuality as you want to.

Methodology: To create this study, researchers from Pure surveyed 3,000 adults aged over 18 years old. The study includes participants from all geographies with no focus on particular ethnicities, sexualities, or social backgrounds.

Team Pure

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