How to keep a conversation going while using dating apps
"Hello" is just plain boring, nudes sent without a warning — not a great look, you've probably already asked a hundred matches how they were doing, so every new conversation might feel dull and unstimulating. So, how do you have a conversation with strangers so both parties remain interested and motivated? Here's how to have your best conversation on a dating app with anyone.
Define the purpose of the conversation
It has been proven that many people tend to get irritated if you ask "What are you looking for here?”. And we get it too, someone might not want to follow a script, but rather experience something unique with each new person in their life. If you're looking for sex or dating or something more solid, like visiting your parents, don’t be shy and put it in your Pure ad — you'll screen out people who aren't interested.
But there's another way: not having any plan. Many users in Pure follow their desires and act on them. Start a conversation about it with a like-minded person.
"I prefer to be spontaneous and open to anything new and exciting — if you want the same, of course. Just in case, bring your passport with you! I'm not sure if we'll spend the morning in your bed or a hotel bed overlooking Montmartre".
Don't set expectations
If you've opened the Pure with a packed suitcase next to you, a passport in your hand, and a lot of hopes, you might want to reconsider. Nothing is worse than unrealistic expectations. Keep your best and worst-case scenarios in mind — we think that not only your luggage (but also your heart), should be insured against unpleasant events. Take it easy.
Decide on a yes or a no
Scott, one of our friends, has a great dating strategy: 'If it's not a wow, it's no.' Why should we give up our ideals? If you always dreamt of a partner with a specific bust or penis size, prefer them natural or with Brazilian waxing, bearded or smooth-shaved — go ahead and like those who fit your preferences. Ashamed of being picky by appearance? Don’t worry. You can write your preferences in your ad or mention them in one of your first chat messages to avoid unnecessary convos with guys, girls, and non-binary people.
A nude photo is not always an invitation to sex. At Pure, we have your back!
Drop the requirements
"180cm and taller, breasts no smaller than size 3, must have wisdom teeth removed, penis no shorter than 20cm — that's not a great way to start, after all, you're not shopping for people. Specific demands are triggering — society is already attempting to label us all. Turn on your imagination and be modern. Optionally, use simpler language: "I believe that everyone is beautiful, but I've become a prisoner of type. While I work through this, I'd be delighted to have a date with someone with a fluffy beard." With that message, it will be much easier to establish a connection.
People are finally starting to understand that a naked photo does not always imply an invitation to have sex. You might just be an open person who likes your body and thinks naked photos are attractive. We support you — just because your profile says you're a dominatrix, it doesn't mean you're incapable of friendship. State your needs gently, but clearly so that you can chat in a way that is comfortable for you.
Do you like the person you're talking to? Tell him/her that!
Don't flatter too much and be open. Read your matches profile and ad thoroughly, and ask questions. Is there anything unclear? Ask for details. When you have a topic to talk about, it is easier to stay in touch.
Do you like the person you’re talking to? Tell them: "Your photos are fantastic. Only a truly creative and bright person could take them, IMO. Please tell me I'm not mistaken."
Don't disappear for long
The beginning of an end is getting answers to your questions hours later each time. We’re sure, you've had a firsthand experience when you tried to chat with the customer support of your bank (never again). If you're short on time, simply say you'll be away for a while (try to be specific) and then say hi when you return — so they don't think you're ghosting them. What is ghosting? Read our piece on this modern practice of disappearing from the conversation here.
Feel stuck? Just say, "I really want to stay in touch, but I don't know how. Care to help me?"
Ask for advice
You'll know if the person is really interested in you if they entertain the below question. "I've been a little nervous the last few days", you say. Could you recommend something soothing to watch? "Comedy, favorite show – I'd appreciate your suggestions". Perhaps, you'll watch it with him or her later. If not, you'll have a great topic to pursue after watching it.
I want to stay in touch, but I can't keep up the conversation. What to do?
We get it; sometimes we’re excited to chat, but we really don't know how to continue a conversation with our match. Why not admit it: "I really want to stay in touch, but I don't know how. Care to help me?". It's both simple and encouraging.
If things don't work out, it's okay - don't look blame yourself
How to start a conversation in a non-trivial way
Was: "Good morning. How are you?"
Became: "I saw a CRAZY dream today. What did you dream about, how are you doing, and what do you have planned for the day? I’m off today!"
Was: "Hi. What are you looking for here?"
Became: "Hey! I saw your ad and am glad I finally met a man who satisfied me with only one joke. While I catch my breath, let's get down to business: where are you right now? I have no plans, and even though my to-do list is huge, I'd rather do something with you!".
Was: "What are you into?"
Became: "Sooo, what superpower would you like to have? (I have connections at Marvel and DC)".
We just don’t click. What to do?
It's completely normal. Don't look for a reason in yourself or others because of the Capricorn Moon and dust storms. Simply end the chat as gently as you can for yourself and your match. We've even prepared something useful to help you to end the chat as quickly as possible. You still don't want to let it go? Then read this to learn what to do if your match does not text first.