They’re not texting me after the first date… What now?

They’re not texting me after the first date… What now?

Lena Borovaya

So, you matched with someone. Had a nice chat, went on a first date - and now they’re ignoring you. You two had a magical time, maybe even spent the night, parting your ways in the morning - and that’s it. Silence. You’re waiting for a text, by the phone, expecting a message, a DM, a like on Instagram, anything at this point - but it still doesn't come. What do you do? How do you behave? What to avoid? We tried to think about it for you. Here are some possible to-do things - apply whichever feels right.

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What’s there to lose?

This is our favorite approach: be proactive. You’re probably thinking: “Should I text him first?” No need to sit on the couch by the phone, waiting for the magic to happen. Just text them something and wait for an answer. If nothing happens, check out our article on ghosting! It's okay - dating sometimes is simply training your rejection trauma muscle. It's really not about you, more so about them! So, don't be shy about making a move. Perhaps this way you will understand faster that you don't have to wait, but rather open your Pure feed and look for someone new to have fun with. 

Great Patience

This is not advice, rather a tactic that sometimes works. Okay, so you’re waiting for a text. The probability of success here is about one in a billion - or should we say 50/50? Indeed, we do live in a society full of stereotypes, so more often than not sitting around, waiting, and hoping for days on end can actually work in your favor. The thing is, do you really want to date someone who lives according to the early 2000s romcoms methodology? Well, our advice here is simple: if nothing comes out of this, dive into the Pure world again!

Pure will never make you wait

Because when honesty is encouraged, communication is easy as ever. And if your desires match - you’re in luck!

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Science is your friend

Anthropologist and relationship researcher Helen Fisher talks about the theory of 9 chats - exactly this number should be your starting point on dating apps. Then, after some time, you only get 3 chats left - those will be the people you get to know a bit better and might go out with. And then, you meet up with one of them. If it doesn’t work out - onto the next 9 chats you go!

Move on - immediately! 

Well, why not? You haven’t professed your undying love for each other, right? Therefore, as soon as you feel discomfort or start getting mixed signals - just forget about it and let go. Dating should be fun, not torturous. Of course, the chance to meet your future love on a dating app is great! But it’s going to be much healthier if you keep your heart open and don’t take things personally. On Pure, we prioritize you having fun. Not wallowing in pity! So, go have a well-deserved adventure.

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Get distracted! 

Take a break. Go meditate, take a walk around the neighborhood, meet up with friends. Do something that makes you forget you’re waiting for someone to text you in the first place. This works well, too. You have to remember that while dating is important for many, the world doesn’t revolve around romance - there are museums, books, a blue sky above our heads, good food, knowledge, and our precious inner world. Try and get carried away with something that brings  you true pleasure. Worst case scenario - dive deep into doomscrolling. Not the best idea for the situation, but at least you’re not waiting for them to send you a message. 

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Clean your room

Physical labor is liberating. In fact, there is something primal in the feeling of working with your hands. Wash the floors, wipe mirrors and windows - spring is coming. Sort your closet out, organize your shelves. Get busy. Not only will you distract yourself, but you’re also doing something productive. There is another way (if you don't have the motivation in you) – just turn on Marie Kondo's videos and get inspired. There are a lot of them: a great reality distraction guaranteed!

Hands to yourself

Yes, we’re telling you to practice self-pleasure! What's the big deal? Relieving stress, getting a serotonin boost, feeling empowered. What’s there not to like? No more waiting for their text message. By the way, we recently wrote a whole article about that - check it out.

Good Old Fitness

There's nothing new here either. You roll out the yoga mat or get it going on a treadmill. A good playlist in your headphones – and you no longer remember their name. A proven method. Once again, your body will thank you! We've put together a running playlist just for you.


Flirting and sexting - that’s what we like! In case you want something more personal, try video chats - a great way to test your chemistry on Pure.

Actually, the one thing we want you to take away from this is that dating should be fun. People ghost, people act weirdly, people tend to disregard others’ emotions and feelings. So, for the sake of your mental health, it’s crucial for you to have enough faith in yourself to not give up. Don’t take things to heart! Just go on Pure, make a witty ad, talk to people - and if something goes wrong with someone you like, you can always try again with someone even better.


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