Why does a guy not give gifts? 5 Reasons
Journalist and podcast host of "Where Are You Going?" Grigory Tumanov analyzes whether it is worth it to give extravagant gifts to a woman and why the gifts are not a promise of good fortune.
Gifts do not guarantee anything
It's always interesting how different the interpretations of the same concepts can be. What comes to mind first when you hear the phrase "investing in relationships"? Perhaps you think of concentrating on yourself and how to become better, more attentive, and more interesting for your partner (if he deserves it — a reality check is necessary). Perhaps you think of the opposite experience: when you get the relationship in exchange for material values.
I recently saw a Twitter thread from a young guy who spoke about the second option. He angrily narrated how he had long sought the woman's attention and worked hard to break out of the friend zone, handing her expensive gifts and assisting with household issues. The girl accepted all of this favorably and then began dating another guy — and he discovered this through pretty much stalking. Creepy, eh?
The notion that "a man should give gifts to a woman" is outdated
The situation described is a somewhat extreme manifestation of the ancient notion that women mostly value attention and gifts, but even in a slightly less extreme form, the previously thought-to-be widely accepted idea "if you give her things she'll be yours" appears wild today. Tokens are widely available in video games — let's keep them there. My Lord, gold is no longer required by a possible partner, keep it for your villagers, you'll need it to build a watchtower in the event of an orc invasion.
Why buying love with gifts is disrespectful
If you think about it, the idea that a man should invest in future sex with money, at the very least, an expensive favor (which hasn't completely vanished from many people's minds), humiliates both a woman and a man. To be fair, both sides occasionally transmit the stereotype that a man should buy gifts for a woman. But there are more stereotypes! Some say that all men believe that a woman and her body are worth a certain amount (or it's equivalent), as well as talk about the mythical female commercialism. It's a shame to think that a person is willing (or is obligated) to have sex with you solely for material gain, no?
Invest in a relationship emotionally
It makes sense to engage in emotional investments in a world where we finally communicate our intentions to a potential partner, wait for their consent, and where we discovered that both parties need sex. Why do you require external proof of your worth? Why on earth would you bargain with a stranger to get approval? Some will probably object: "Look at the girls in escorts and the trophy wives. Or they'll say, "But that guy I had a date with decided we had to go to his house because he gave me a bag and paid for the dinner." Of course, it is difficult to deny these situations, people like this will always exist, but why do we need to adopt this behavior?
OK, but who pays for dinner?
Splitting the bill can be useful for both parties. Even if a guy pays the bill on a date, there should be no expectations. Back when I was young, I realized that almost no one would fuck with me in exchange for food (it even sounds sad). It's really nice to make people happy, so the opportunity to pay the bill today is roughly equivalent to feeding them my own cooked dinner. Just like you'd treat yourself to a dinner in a nice place, to make yourself happy.
However, if my partner will say that she appreciates such gestures, but it's not her style, I will understand. It's just that the sooner we realize that nothing, especially gifts, can guarantee a relationship, even for one night, the sooner we will give up unnecessary insults, illusions, and discomfort. Let's all remember that we are all valuable in our own way.
Here are 11 ideas for making a date memorable without making unnecessary investments.