Nothing is ‘wrong’ with you: how to love your body
Our editor-in-chief Lena Borovaya’s column is a successful attempt to answer the most important questions of the Universe, life, and existence - and she does it with warmth, care, and a lot of insight. Today we’re talking about how to love ourselves and our bodies. Even when it’s hard.
You know, somewhere between 2010 and 2015, mirror-gazing got incredibly popular. I’m not really sure what this practice is called correctly, to be honest, but the essence is simple: you take a mirror, look at your vulva and, pardon me, talk to it. I’m a skeptic by nature - I don’t think I’ll ever understand Tony Robbins courses. But I can see the benefits in these mirror talks. If you see something - it exists. And if something exists - there’s a high probability that it’s normal. So is your body, your face, and everything about you - it’s normal.
Why am I saying that? You see, women are used to feeling like something is wrong with them. And if everything is fine with them, they start looking for flaws in other women to reinforce their own normality. You have no idea how many Google searches include "Is my labia normal? Are my boobs too small? How much should I weigh". A lot.
Men also question the normality of their size, shape, and color because beauty standards exist for men just the same. For men, the framework of these standards is wider. Yes, many standards for women have been set by men, but imagine the pressure felt by an average guy whose sexual education is limited to adult films with dozens of people on set making sure the scene looks perfect! And with an average intercourse length of 7 to 14 minutes, you look at those perfect actors lathered in oil doing it for hours on end, and obviously, you can’t help but wonder if there is something wrong with you.
We should each grab a mirror — and take a close look at our insecurities, flaws, and where we doubt ourselves the most. The closer the better.
At first, I wanted to say how cool it is that there are no beauty standards for non-binary people to fit into, but then I remembered that one scene from the Netflix show Sex Education. Obviously, someone has invented rules for everyone: men, women, non-binary and transgender people, all of whom may not be what society expects them to be. It's just that we don't take time to look around (and at ourselves). And if we do, we do it in all the wrong ways - critiquing ourselves and doubting our abilities.
The way we look and how we feel, the things that bring us pleasure — everything about it is normal. As long as we don’t cross other people’s boundaries, respect them, and don’t let them cross our own boundaries — there’s nothing wrong. We should each grab a mirror — and take a close look at where we doubt ourselves the most. The closer the better. Surely, none of us are perfect. But we are absolutely normal. All vulvas are beautiful, all boobs are amazing, all bodies are perfect, any desire can be spoken aloud, intimacy is more than just penetration, falling in love is amazing, and doing something for the sake of doing it without labels is really cool.
We’re all observers here at Pure for the most part, but not always (most of the team is on it, we'll tell you some cool stories soon), and we can't help but notice how much our community is growing. We’re really proud. Both in numbers and in the quality of communication. No, the unsolicited nudes haven’t stopped just yet, but we’ve introduced a filter on explicit content. See, we’re also growing and learning - right with you! Not to mention, the community helps us see our own normality and humanness.
You see, it's not about the rules society has set for us. It's about allowing yourself to be unconditionally yourself and not convincing yourself you’re somehow worse than *insert anything*. At the end of the day, there’s no one like you. Be proud of yourself, be proud of everything you are. Stop measuring yourself with a ruler or a stopwatch, and ditch the Kim Kardashian or Kendall Jenner parameters (there's a bit of non-Euclidean geometry here).
I’m also writing this because a series of gendered holidays and Valentine’s Day are coming. Traditionally, single people feel a little left out and lonely when the world around them is full of couples making out. Even if being alone is a conscious choice, the loneliness is there. The question creeps up naturally: is there something wrong with me? No, nothing at all, my friend! You’re all good. Even better if you start telling yourself that. And if you need an outside confirmation, just go on Pure — I guarantee you’ll hear it from someone.