5 Rules of Sexting that Beginners Need to Know (+ Examples)
While it might not be polite conversation, humans have been writing and creating erotic art since the dawn of time. After all, as soon as cameras were invented, humans were taking nudes. So sexting and taking hot pics are part of the human experience throughout time. Sexting is just the newest form of communication in a long history of horny advances. Before we had such high quality phones for sharing thirst traps there was phone sex. Before phone sex, horny letters! As soon as new tech comes out, humans find a way to use it for their own naughty desires.
Sexting is an easy way to spice things up and explore sexual boundaries. Plus, it's much easier to say racy things in a text than in person.
You can edit your text until you feel it's perfect! But like anything else, that freedom can get you into trouble. Many sexters have regretted hitting send too soon, so make sure you're confident before you release that text. Here are a few things to keep in mind if you want to have a fun sexting experience for you and your potential partner:
I. Consent is key
Sexting involves sex so you'll want consent for sending intimate messages and pictures. Consent will not only show that you're going to be a considerate lover, but no one wants to get a dirty text or picture when spying eyes are looking over their shoulder. Consent prevents that! Even if you're in a long-term relationship, sending a spicy picture with permission might save you some headache down the line.
A good opener can be "I’m thinking about you, want to hear some details? Be warned, it’s NSFW…". This gives your partner space to tell you yes, or no, if they're busy.
Consent requires communication. What’s a yes one day may not be a yes the next day. Start by asking questions to the person you’re sexting like "Have you ever sent nudes before?”, “I would love to know what turns you on”, “Is there anything that you always wanted to try but never had a chance to?”, etc.
II. Send your nude pics safely
So you’re already chatting with someone online and the conversation is getting flirty. So then the question “when is the right time to send nudes?” pops up. Make sure that your partner is also on the same page with you.
Good practice when sending spicy pictures is to leave your face, tattoos, or scars out to make sure that there will be nothing to tie you to it
Keep in mind that there are now social media algorithms that can tag you automatically through facial recognition and your privacy at risk. So if you are going to take nudes, I highly recommend turning off the sync functions of your clouds, or worse yet, favorite social media site!
You can also do a boudoir session. Basically instead of nudes, you'd take photos that strategically cover the most private parts. You can even take pictures of toys you want to use together, lingerie you'll wear, places you want to hook up, etc, and the spicy caption and verbal expansion of the idea will make those photos hot without nudity. An app like Pure has a built-in security function where photos will disappear and not be saved.
III. Set up boundaries
It’s important to have a conversation about expectations and preferences when sexting. A simple, “This is for you only, please delete” leaves no space for misunderstandings. You should trust and respect the person you’re sexting with, and the feeling should be mutual. Having conversations about pronouns and names for genitals before you send a dirty text can save you from making your sexting partner uncomfortable or worse, dysphoric.
Some questions to consider:
- Your partner's gender, do they like to be called gendered honorifics?
- Names your partner likes to call their genitals.
- Words to avoid. I think everyone hates some words, even if that word is moist
- Do they want just texts, or are pics and/or videos ok?
- Be mindful about drinking and sexting. This can be tough for some because the confidence that can come after a night spent drinking and dancing can be powerful. But from a privacy perspective, you surely don’t want to compromise yourself or accidentally send that sexy text to the wrong person!
Beyond the fact that it's incredibly disrespectful to leak someone's nudes, non-consensual porn is against the law
IV. Sexting can be just fantasy
Sext to practice your dirty talk or just explore a scenario that gets you hot in the moment
You can give it a try on Pure, discover what turns you on, and explore your sensuality. Sometimes, we sext because we’re lonely or bored and we just want a little sexy attention. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that (unless you’re in a monogamous relationship and you're shamelessly sexting someone who isn't your partner). Just remember to sext responsibly, because sexting for a self-esteem boost can shift to feeling bad, followed by a good cry.
Also, keep an eye on autocorrect. Something sexy can quickly turn into something strange when your smartphone plays dumb. So re-reading your texts and being confident in what you're sending is pretty important! You don’t want to innocently be talking about someone's dimples and your phone changes it to nipples!
V. Enjoy the ride!
Not sure how to start a sext? Sliding into your partner’s DMs with a simple “I can’t stop thinking about you” will allow for conversation to develop naturally.
Most importantly, don’t be afraid to get silly because this is supposed to be fun! Make jokes, and if weird autocorrect typos happen, it’s better to be able to laugh about it.
After all, with real life encounters sometimes weird noises escape our bodies and we can’t avoid it. Sex in all of its form can be funny and awkward, so just try to enjoy it. Taking it too seriously will likely make it even more awkward. For example, you can use sexting to bring it up and gauge their reaction from the safety of your phone. Or if you’re deeply in love, gush about how the smell of them makes you believe in a higher power and you can’t wait to go down on them to get high off their scent.
Sexting is also a great, low-pressure way to see if your partner is interested in something new. If you don't have a partner, Pure app can be just the right place to find someone to connect with. While the specifics will be different for everyone, these tips should help ease you in and help you make the best decision for yourself and your potential date. Have fun!