No offense: 5 ways to break up over a text
Fast dating has its own set of rules; sometimes, relationships both start and end online. However, contrary to the belief that all break-ups have to happen in person, it doesn't matter where you split up; what matters is how you do it. Take a look at our ethical breaking-up guide. Though, we hope that you won’t need it.
Step 1: Evaluate the Circumstances
Let's figure out whether it is advisable in your case to break up remotely. Yes, if you and your partner:
- went on a couple of dates, and you realized that they’re not your person;
- are far away from each other. As in, you’re at least in different cities;
- never actually met in real life;
- if your partner practices ghosting and ignores your messages and calls;
- a personal meeting is not possible due to a stressful factor - you had a conflict, your partner is jealous or suffers from outbursts of anger and aggression;
In other cases, we recommend breaking up in person.
Never discuss a partner's (negative) qualities during a breakup; focus on your perspective. There’s no point in poking
Step 2: Think about this decision
If you think you might change your mind in the middle of a breakup, don’t do it. Don't make someone feel emotionally unstable. If in doubt, list the advantages and disadvantages and talk with your partner about any contentious issues before considering ending the relationship.
In 2019, Psychology Today magazine published an article titled "Endless Separation" about the difficulties of being unable to make a point clearly when breaking up. As a result, people lost their sense of self, engaged in pointless interactions, and missed opportunities to find the right partner. But we can learn from other people’s mistakes!
Pure tip: If it’s feasible and won't put anyone through any pain or discomfort, decide on the format for communication
Step 3: Think over the message you’re planning to send
Think of dialogue in advance.
- don't get distracted by talking about the weather and filler topics;
- go straight to the point: you’re here to discuss the relationship. Tell them that you would like to break up with an explanation since you respect them;
- explain why you want to break up. Important: do not talk about the qualities of a partner. For example, don’t say: "You're a jealous jerk!". Say, "I need personal space" instead.
- make sure it’s clear that the decision is final, do not give false hopes;
- try to end on the positive side. "It's a pity that we didn't work out, but I'm grateful for this time together" or something along the lines. Talk about something specific you loved about them.
"I think we’re better off as friends" — that's what many people say when they can't explain the valid reasons for the breakup. It’s up to you whether you’ll believe it or not
Step 4: Be brief
Appreciate your and your partner’s time: clearly formulate your thoughts. If your partner experiences shock, resentment, aggression, or resorts to blackmail, quickly say goodbye and finish the chat. Try not to get emotionally involved.
Step 5: Avoid cliches
Try not to use cliches like, "It's not about you, it's about me," "I'm not ready for a serious relationship," and "I want to stay friends." Be sincere: it's about them; you're ready to be in a relationship, but not with them.
Talk about your concerns, and be yourself when you do it. Someone close to you deserves sincerity, even if it is hard for you to do.
On the subject
- The faster we swipe through a photo, the more appealing the photo that appears after it will seem to us;
- In the first 30 seconds of a conversation, eye contact is where most people fall in love;
- After a breakup, about 64% of people drastically alter their appearance.