When is it time to make joint plans? Five signs you might be ready
So you're dating. If sex suits the first one or several dates, when should you take the next step? Such as going on vacation or getting a bigger apartment together. Should you get a big bedroom or even a nursery? What about getting a dog or managing a monthly budget together? Pure will help you figure it out.
What does science say?
In her years of counseling, Dr. Brenda Wade, a psychologist from San Francisco, has discovered that heterosexual couples prefer to wait at least two years before moving in together. In contrast, same-sex couples take an average of six months. Studies from 2017 support this thesis: couples over the age of 36 typically live together for about three years before getting married. So how do you know when it's time to make plans together? Modern research has identified many obvious signs.
Wise and well-considered decisions shouldn't be influenced by passion. When serotonin and endorphins are spiking, your brain cannot logically evaluate a partner. Therefore, it is always better to hold off until both of you have returned to a state of rationality and calmness. For couples, spending even a week on vacation together can be difficult. Just imagine having to fix things in your shared apartment!
When you said, “I love you”
This may sound unoriginal, but relationships without transparency have an uncertain future. It's hard to predict the future, and not everything is set in stone. However, when planning for the future together, it's crucial to share your feelings with one another. Otherwise, your relationship might not last long.
Don't like “I love you”? Try "I have deep feelings for you" or "I don't see a future without you" instead
When it's easier for you to be together than apart
Just make sure that you don’t have codependency. If everything is okay and you feel at ease being apart but much better when you're together, go ahead. Considering your resources, including time, money, physical health, and mental space, is crucial.
When you made it official
Before making plans together, look at how your partner interacts with society and how you can fit into his family and friend group. He/she should do the same. For example, imagine that your mom turns out to be his former biology teacher, who flunked him in high school. Or that his best friend is your ex. Yikes. Before you make plans for the future, get to know his/her loved ones and introduce them to your own. If indeed, your ex is his friend, it doesn't mean that you have to give up everything. Just talk about how much it can hinder both of you in the future.
When you openly discuss complex issues
Like finances, everyday life, and even separation. If you do not keep secrets from each other and openly discuss complex issues like — income, what to do and how to divide property in case of separation — you are fully ready to take a new step in your life. If something goes wrong, or if you want to invite a third person into your life, go to Pure!
Don't you want to live together? Living apart is a trend. Read a helpful article about it
On the subject
- The hormone levels in a couple drop after a year of living together, according to research from the Pavia Institute in Italy;
- According to Eric Bern's three-level model, people are not always compatible in the "child-adult" model;
- It's thought that it takes ten years in a relationship to get to know someone truly.