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How long does it take to get over an ex?

Valerie Estrina

So, you’ve been ruminating over a breakup. Is that normal? Certainly. But you want to move on as soon as possible, and you want the moving on to happen naturally rather than forcing it. How long does it take to get over an ex? Let’s get some real answers and tips on speeding up the healing process. And once you’re ready, you can finally go on Pure and meet someone amazing.

1. It depends

We won’t sugarcoat this, but the amount of time it’s gonna take entirely depends on the intensity of your relationship and what needs were met by your partner. And no, it doesn’t matter how long you two were together — even though people like to measure the success of a relationship by its duration.

2. Accept what is, not what could’ve been

Ah, the sweet What Ifs that won’t stop bugging us after a breakup. Well, this is just a recipe for disaster. As soon as you give into the scenario of things that never happened, but you think could’ve and should’ve been, you’re in a losing game with yourself. The truth is, no matter how bitter, things unfolded the way they did for a reason. Instead of putting yourself through mental torture, try to sit with the facts and be at peace with reality. It will be much easier to let go once you do this. 

3. Give yourself closure

One of the common traps people fall into. If you have been ghosted, dumped over text or phone, or anything else that was sudden and unpleasant, you’re probably confused and want answers. The thing is, you don’t want answers from someone who is able to treat people this way. No conversation, nothing they will say is going to lessen your pain or improve the situation. Closure is not something you get, it is something you give yourself once you’re ready to let go. Set yourself free from talking to the wall, please.

4. Move on for yourself

You’re not getting over them to show them how great you’ve been or teach them a lesson. Moving on is something you do purely for yourself. For all I know, you don’t owe your ex anything — and this mentality of showing them what a great thing they’ve lost only hurts you. Plus, if you overdo it, especially on social media, it just comes off as embarrassing. So, get comfortable with the idea of moving on for yourself first, because moving on for the purpose of “winning” is a broken tactic. 

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5. It won’t be a linear process 

One day you think you’re finally fine, ready to rock the world and get back out there. Then, something happens, and you feel like you’re right back where you started – heartbroken and upset. And that’s totally okay — backed up by science and psychology. Healing doesn’t happen in a straight line. It’s more of a spiral. Things trigger you, you might go from the top of the world to rock bottom within minutes. Give yourself the freedom and unconditional permission to experience the whole range of emotions and don’t evaluate how you’re feeling.

6. Don’t compare your progress to others 

It’s taking you months to even start going out while your friend who recently went through a breakup is already seeing someone new? As I already said, the process is different for everyone and depends on a myriad of factors. Stop beating yourself up and focus on healing instead. There will be light at the end of the tunnel — promise.

7. Forgive them

Nothing slows down progress like resentment. And no, forgiveness doesn’t mean you’ll take them back. It doesn’t mean you should speak to them, either. Forgiveness, much like closure, is something you give yourself — try having an imaginary conversation with your ex or write them a letter (do not send!). End the letter with full acceptance and forgiveness for all the pain caused. You will almost immediately feel the relief as the starting point of moving on comes upon you. 

8. Get help if needed

There’s nothing wrong with seeking professional help if you’re struggling. Breakups can be traumatic, so if you feel like you’re not handling this yourself very well — remember that you have all the right to ask for professional insight. Therapy is amazing when it comes to helping yourself move on from something, so if it’s an option for you, don’t hesitate and have a consultation.

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