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5 reasons to remain friendly with your ex

Katya Shaposhnikova

It is a common belief that it is impossible to stay friends with former partners. Many couples, such as Kris and Caitlyn Jenner, disprove this stereotype by showing decent behavior and mutual support even after the breakup. Pure has taken an example from them. We found 5 ways how to stay friends with your ex.

Mutual understanding

If you have been together for a long time, there has most likely been a certain level of intimacy between you and your ex. You and your ex got along better than anyone else and have helped each other through difficult situations in the past. If this is the case, you should not lose the existing bond by no longer being a couple. The basis of a friendship is mutual trust and mutual help, and we know how difficult it is in the modern world to find a person to whom you can confide the most intimate. This does not mean that you have to run to your ex for advice after every date. It is enough to maintain a trusting relationship in which everyone has the opportunity to ask the other for help.

Pure is your new partner

Find the right person for your needs — Perhaps for just one-night or a partner for life. There are no "rules" here — you create them yourself.

Maturity Test

To truly overcome separation you must advance one more step in the process of growing up. By doing this you will boost your self-respect, and most likely, the respect of others as well. A prime example of this is Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s breakup: not a single scandal came from it, and in interviews they talked about pretty openly — covering any topics from divorce, to coming up with amicable resolutions for all issues, finances and parenting included. This couple demonstrated the highest level of separation culture. Very nice, especially in comparison to the recent highly publicized breakup of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Believe us, the ability to resolve complex conflicts peacefully will raise your self-esteem and give your ex-partner peace of mind.

Avoid negative emotions

Negative emotions are toxic and can destroy our well-being. The less you allow yourself to be drawn into conflicts, the faster your life will return to normal after a breakup. We recommend establishing a normal relationship with your ex prior to moving on. This is to avoid any bad blood that can lead to negativity in the future and to avoid any feelings of guilt. There should be no need to suffer from the past. If you broke up by mutual consent, you are both good people. Sometimes people are simply not compatible as lovers and partners which means that they are not suitable for each other — and this is completely normal.

Curiosities on the subject

  • Scientists from University College London along with the help of an MRI machine found out that romantic love is replaced by affection and the anterior cingulate cortex of the brain is responsible for this.
  • Breaking up a relationship provokes the same reaction in the brain as physical pain.
  • The human nervous system comes into balance by itself and adapts to any circumstances.
  • To define couples who continue to live together and run a household, but no longer have sex, there is a term "gray divorce".

Sex without obligations

In the USA, according to statistics, sex with an ex is one of the most discussed topics during a breakup. This topic generates a lot of controversies, but all experts agree on one thing: if you have broken up calmly and without conflicts, sex with an ex can be an alternative while you are looking for a new partner. You don't need to go on dates beforehand, you don't need a candy-bouquet period, and you know each other's preferences perfectly well — so why not? Of course, only if you do not use sex as manipulation and treat it as an option that you deserve by maintaining a good relationship.

By the way, we have investigated the phenomenon of FWB / "friends with benefits" here — read it!

You will have to meet often

If you share a common circle of friends and acquaintances, putting them in an awkward situation of choosing between you and your ex is simply unfair. "Choose: either him or me" is the position of a 14-year old, but not an adult. If you chose to behave like that, you will most likely lose most of your friends, since people tend to take the side of those who do not dictate conditions to them. If your breakup is not a consequence of abuse and happened without dramatic events, it is more than possible to maintain a calm relationship, even if it is not a close friendship. If you work together and you have common colleagues, it's also worth working on the relationship. Social connections are very important in our lives, and to destroy them because of a failed romance is simply short-sighted.

What's next? Many choose rebound. Read our article about how people rush into the pool of dating after a breakup.

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