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How to reject someone nicely

Valerie Estrina

Okay, so you’ve been talking to someone on Pure and they’re not quite what you want. Or they’re coming on too strong and you’re simply not on the same page. Whatever the case may be, there are ways to reject someone nicely. Please, don’t ghost people! Read this instead and act accordingly.

1. Don’t be afraid of honesty

The more you resist telling the truth how it is, the more you’re going to tiptoe around the issue, saying something but not saying it explicitly. The person you’re rejecting is probably hurt and confused simply because you refuse to be crystal clear on why it’s not working. So, if you’re afraid of being blunt, remember that confusion hurts way more. 

I once had to reject a guy after a wonderful date. Nothing wrong with him, but I realized halfway through the date that I had feelings for someone else. I politely and frankly told him that was the case, and he took it surprisingly well. See? The truth is not always terrifying.

2. Avoid the “I like you, but…” 

Now that just sounds like you’re doing them a favor. Again, obviously, the intentions are good here and you’re trying to protect their feelings. However, no matter what you say before the “but”, it still stings. Because it will certainly make them feel defective or like they’re not good enough to be with. And you must be very careful with how you approach that niceness, even if your heart is in the right place.

3. Sometimes there’s no explanation. That’s okay 

Even talked to someone and they’re great on paper but there’s just no connection? Or you just don’t feel the same even though they’re an awesome person? That happens. For better or for worse, attraction can’t be forced. It’s either there or it’s not. Don’t beat yourself up for not feeling a certain way — simply be honest with yourself and the other person that there’s something missing. It’s gonna hurt if they thought the chemistry was there, but ultimately grateful to you for opening up. After all, it takes two to tango. 

4. Put yourself in their position

They might get angry or upset no matter how nice you are. Don’t take it personally: think about what you would feel in their situation. Rejection is hard to take, and for some, it triggers something truly unpleasant. So, try to show empathy even if they’re not particularly kind to you. As long as they’re not crossing your boundaries, it’s okay if they’re angry. Leave them be and go on with your day. 

Match away!

Find someone you truly connect with on all levels. Rejection won’t be needed

And here are a few things you should avoid when rejecting a person

5. Don’t ghost 

Ghosting should be your absolute last resort: for instance, when you’re feeling unsafe around a person or they’re a threat to your well-being. It’s okay to ghost a creep. It’s not okay to reject someone who’s been nothing but nice to you just because you want to avoid conflict! Here at Pure, we appreciate honesty more than anything. So does our community. You must understand that no bitter truth is worse than being left with no answers. So, be mature about this and don’t vanish on someone when you want to reject them. Why is ghosting bad? Read here.

6. Don’t keep them as a second option

Many are prone to doing this. They’ll entertain someone they don’t really like in hopes of keeping them around in case something better doesn’t work out. Well, you see, if you’re not fond of them — you’re not just wasting your time, you’re wasting theirs. Be above your fear of loneliness and set your record straight on what you want and don’t want. Trust me, this will only give you more self-respect.

7. Don’t give them false hope 

Tying with the previous point, don’t lead them on by making it seem you might reconsider them in the future. Firstly, you probably won’t. Secondly, why would they stick around for that? It’s mental torture and will hurt them even more. So, if you’re gonna reject someone, do it once and for all. No “maybes”, no “someday”. Just do it!

Wanna know how to leave the chat without making a scene? We have an article for you here.

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