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How to know what you want from a relationship. Here are 6 simple steps

How to know what you want from a relationship. Here are 6 simple steps

Katya Shaposhnikova

It is normal to have a list of requirements for a potential partner. But remember that while you are on the difficult path of search, your task is to avoid confusion, and at the same time, to make your way to happiness as easy as possible. Pure will help you figure out what kind of person you want to find with a few simple tips.

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Not sure what you’re looking for?

Let's go from the opposite: make a list of unacceptable attributes that you cannot live with. For example: infidelity, disrespect for women, and problems with alcohol. By knowing what you don’t want, you will better envision a potential partner. It is common sense that there are no people without flaws. Therefore, it is better to divide negative qualities into "tolerable" and "not at once" so that the portrait turns out to be as close to reality as possible. Then translate the negative qualities into positive ones. If you hate lies and manipulation, then you need an honest person with developed emotional intelligence. See, it's pretty simple.

Pure — for the curious

The members of the Pure community are united by openness to new things and freedom. People boldly (and humorously) talk about their desires and create their own dating rules.

Formulate your core values

Everyone has values that they will never betray. Honesty, gender equality, minority rights, family ties — anything, the main thing is to know your values. For example, if finances are important to you, feel free to add them to the list — the partner should share your views on this point. Pay attention to the contradictions, if there are any, and get rid of them. For example, if you want to start a family, but also dream of wandering around the world until very old age, these are not particularly compatible.

By the way, we have a classification of people from Pure. You'll probably see a lot of familiar types there. Read it!

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Analyze relationships with exes

The experience was given to us so that we could learn something. Mistakes are the basis for new relationships in which they should not be repeated. Remember the patterns of past relationships that led to the breakup: most likely, the problem appeared much earlier than it became obvious to both of you. Analyze what your qualities and the qualities of your partner have led to such an ending.

And here you can learn about the types of females on Pure. Do you recognize someone? 

Think about what is bothering you about your friend’s relationships

We often unconditionally accept the choices of our loved ones, but in fact, we don't always like their partners. If it seems to you that a friend's boyfriend suppresses her and does not give her freedom, then you will be able to recognize a person with such inclinations by the first signs. This will not suit you. If a friend's girlfriend checks his phone and monitors her partner on social media, or if she complains every time you’re together, pay attention to this. You also don't need problems with jealous stalking practitioners. Write down the flaws and things that frighten you in the relationships of your loved ones — and the portrait of your ideal match will become even brighter.

Speak with a psychologist

Yes, and it’s good to talk about yourself. If you do not know yourself, you will not understand who you need to find for a long and happy life. Therefore, if there are problems with making lists of values and wishes, start with self-knowledge. While you do not accept yourself, you are looking for someone who compensates for the lack of, for example, parental love or family warmth. Our goal is to find an equal partner, without the risk of codependent and toxic relationships.

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Practice

Theory without practice is nothing. Download Pure, go on a few dates, note what you like and dislike about people, and compare it with your lists. If there are no matches or there are few — this is normal, make adjustments and continue to get acquainted. Have a good search!

If a serious relationship is not for you yet, check out our 8 rules for lovers of meetings without obligations.

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