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10 things that can ruin a perfectly good relationship. And how to avoid them

Katya Shaposhnikova

Relationships can take time to build but they can be destroyed in minutes. If there was a guide on how to ruin a perfectly good relationship, it would be based on our list below.

1. Latent anger & sarcasm

Sarcastic remarks, especially in front of other people, can quickly turn your relationship into the "catfight of the month." No one enjoys frequent criticism, or being made fun of. Sarcasm elevates the jokester to heaven, puts him or her on "top", and humiliates the other partner — and there's no way you can build a strong alliance on that foundation. Frequent sarcasm creates an unhealthy atmosphere full of mutual resentment and is very likely to lead to a breakup.

The way out: mirror the situation. Before you make a joke, put yourself in your partner's shoes and think about how you would react.

2. Lying and manipulation

These are some of the favorite tools used by narcissists, psychopaths, and many other compassionless individuals. Many of these people have mastered the skill. While ‘normal’ people tend to be more clumsy with it. A wall of distrust can develop when it appears that someone is deliberately lying or manipulating another person. Conflicts then pile up — which ultimately leads to the end of a relationship.

Try this: If you are a liar and manipulator, it is unlikely that you will change. But if you are just noticing your tendency to manipulate, ask your partner to point it out whenever they see you doing it. If they tell you about it, do not make excuses, take a break, step back to think, and then come back to discuss the situation.

3. Jealousy

As you know, the desire to control other people never goes the way you want it to go. The foundation of a relationship is based on mutual trust. So, accusations, resentment, and even more so, secretly spying on your partner will only lead to a deterioration of the relationship and later, separation.

Try giving your partner some space, do not check their phone and computer without their permission, and do not call them every second when they're not with you. Understand that there is nothing you can do to stop them from cheating on you if that's what they'd want.

4. Boredom

In a long-term relationship, there is often a routine. If you spend a lot of time together and get up together every day to go to work, have breakfast, leave the house, come back in the evening, have dinner, and watch a movie, it's normal to get a little bored. From there, it's very easy to lose sparkle, develop a lack of communication and move into separate bedrooms. 

Solution: Luckily, there are a lot of fascinating things in the world. And we're not talking about trying shibari and BDSM (yet!) — the usual outings together for a picnic or trips out of town will help diversify your life. Especially if you let your partner do what he is interested in and you do what you like, you both can try to do these things together.

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5. Enironmental aversion

You cannot love everyone, and just like the fact that there is always someone who doesn't like us. If you do not accept your partner's friends, acquaintances, and colleagues, your relationship will probably not last long. Many of these people have been in your partner's life for longer than you have, and they have a certain amount of similarities. If you destroy your relationship, especially if they're really close, you risk creating a very painful atmosphere in the dynamic. In fact, this is almost abusive.

Try this: if you actively dislike a friend or colleague, let your partner go out with them without you. Under no circumstances should you forbid communication with anyone.

6. External interference

If a third person is constantly present in your relationship, it is almost as if they are also present in your bedroom. Whether it is your mother or your best friend, that person does not belong there. No matter who this person is, they might influence a situation with to their own life experiences and perceptions.

The way out: Do not discuss your personal life with outsiders. Unless it is an abusive relationship and you need help, you do not need an intermediary, you can just discuss everything with your partner.

7. Comparison to others

When you are being compared to someone who is perhaps better looking, more intelligent, or makes more money, your self-esteem can be gradually destroyed. This is a classic toxic technique that will destroy self-esteem and can only be perpetrated by someone who is prone to violent and destructive behavior. It is impossible to build a relationship with them, and you surely do not need to.

Try this: Even if you really want to be like the "mom's friend's son," remember that somewhere the grass is always greener. We do not know what's really going on in other people's lives, so it's better to appreciate what's in yours.

8. Fighting in public

First of all, this is probably a sign of a poor upbringing. This is a large result of why they choose to fight in public, you also chose to involve innocent strangers, who'd much rather not be there. Although public expression of emotions are not forbidden by law, it always looks ugly and barbaric. If you have experienced your partner yelling at you in public, you will not be able to forget it, so it will probably mean the beginning of the end.

The way out: make it a rule to resolve issues only in private.

9. Not being financially responsible

No one envies people who live at the expense of others. Even millionaires who are not used to thinking about money. This has nothing to do with gender roles or cultural characteristics. Everyone has to make their contribution to living together because otherwise, it means they are simply not prepared to do so — and there is no reason to commit to a failed project.

Try this: agree in advance on how you will divide the housework, pay bills and plan your budget. Do not be afraid to talk about expenses. It's better to discuss things on the spot than to encounter misunderstandings.

10. Being too close

Physiologically, we need solitude, at least temporarily. If you do everything together and do not give each other air and space, you can develop serious neurosis. Constant closeness can be so boring that one day, without realizing it, you or your partner begins to feel disgusted for you.

The way out: do not try to do everything together, leave time for personal activities. Go out separately with friends and define a space for you and your partner to be alone.

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