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How to start dating again after going through a divorce or a breakup

How to start dating again after going through a divorce or a breakup

Katya Shaposhnikova

The concept of marriage is facing a lot of criticism; many people are no longer interested in maintaining a relationship simply to be in a relationship & many lose hope that things will get better after a breakup. but we are confident that it will! Check out Pure's advice on how to get back into the dating scene after a breakup.

Make sure the past relationship is over

We'll admit, we have to involve a bit of psychology here. You can't create a future if you're stuck in the past. Things like looking back at your photos and spying on your ex-partners on social media will not help you move on, and may lead to you comparing potential partners to them. People need time to recover, soothe the pain of the break, and embark on a new adventure with a clear conscience. Perhaps scheduling a few therapy sessions would be beneficial. And finally, crying in front of a therapist is preferable to crying in front of coworkers.

Important. Try to spend time with your loved ones, with those who understand and accept you. Don't rush to make new connections. In a traumatic situation, support is needed, to avoid additional stress.

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Learn to live alone

Consider this: everyone admires someone self-sufficient. Take care of yourself first: organize your health, career, relationships with friends, and take care of your home. You will feel more at ease and grounded in yourself. Entering into a new relationship while still broken is never a good option.

Important. Don't get hung up on finding a relationship. Relationships for the sake of relationships are a lost cause. If you rush into adventures to prove to yourself that you are still alive, you will only increase the trauma. Firstly, you’ll soon understand that’s not what you really need. And most likely, nothing serious will come out of it and you will be even more upset.

Don't rush to start a new relationship

The first relationship after a breakup is almost certainly going to be short-lived. This is the psychological effect of separation: it is difficult to return to the “normal” state immediately after experiencing the trauma. As a result, don't expect to walk down the aisle with the first match. Go on dates without any worries, don't compare a new person in your life to an ex, don’t tell your friends about them, don’t give them the apartment keys, and ask them to babysit your cat.

Important. If you have children, don't let them in on your new relationship until it's really solid. They, too, have experienced stress, and they do not need extra worries. Your search journey is only yours, while they have all they need — both parents.

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Choose a behavior tactic

Being rational or shamelessly flirting? Should I tell my date right away that I am still healing from previous relationships, or should I keep quiet? Are you ready to talk about relationships, or do you prefer light conversation? Trying  Pure dating or asking your friends to introduce a friend? By picking your tactic, you'll know where, when, and who you're interested in. Sure, you can talk about your recent disappointment at the noisy bar, but what about a quiet place for a heart-to-heart conversation?

Important. Don't be afraid to open up, even when it's difficult. Intimacy will not grow out of nothing. If it's going to be another epic fail, it's better to try than regret the missed opportunities.

Pure dating — no expectations, no limits


Do the work on the mistakes

Even if it's hard, go over the main issues you had in your previous relationship (or even write them down) and try to figure out how to avoid them in the future. Which qualities do not suit you, which behaviors irritate you, and what will you not compromise on. Even though each person is unique and you’ll not meet anyone like your ex, however, some of their characteristics can exist in different people.

Important. Don't forget about yourself. What did you do wrong? What mistakes led to a painful breakup? Don't pick yourself apart — just state facts. Try to focus on only those that were really the reason (if any), and not mean fantasies of your ex-partner.

On the subject:

  • In the Philippines, divorce is illegal;
  • Every fifth couple in the world meets through social media;
  • Joint home remodeling causes the separation of 20% of couples;
  • Every hour, 100 divorces are registered in the United States.

Sometimes, after a breakup, we go a little wild. This is called a rebound. We’re talking about the pros and cons here.

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