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What is a toxic relationship and friendship and how do you get rid of it?

Katya Shaposhnikova

When we communicate with each other, we don’t only exchange conversation, but also feelings. If we project toxic vibes, in response to just being ourselves, it can destroy our healthy sense of self-image. Pure talks about how to recognize toxic relationships and what you can do to get rid of them.

Jealousy

Toxic people tend to be preoccupied with their own ego which decreases ones interest  in other people and their feelings. If you do not pay enough attention to these individuals, they'll get jealous and try to make you feel guilty. "Why did you go to the movies without me?", "Why didn’t you invite me to the bar with you", "You spend more time with Sasha than with me". This whole concept is aimed at hiding you from other people and claiming you available at all times, for themselves.

What can remedy this? You should decide once and for all that you indeed will go out with whomever you want and whenever you want. After all, a relationship in which one tries to bind the other by force makes no sense. Then why not just lock you up in the basement and tape your mouth shut?

Pure is a vibe

Meet open-minded people who are aware of personal boundaries and have respect for each other. Even if they’re looking for the ONS!

Defend your boundaries

If your friend or partner is forcing their opinion on you or has used manipulation to force you to do things you don't like, you're looking at a toxic person. They may appeal to guilt: "I'm in this situation right now, and you're not helping me." Or they may blackmail a relationship, "If we don't work it out together, I'm going to leave you."

What can remedy this? Being unaware towards how to protect your boundaries can lead to emotional dependency. No relationship is worth sacrificing independent choices. Take a break, formulate a problem, and discuss it face-to-face with them. If no agreement is reached, we believe that you should consider ending the relationship.

Arguing with loved ones

If you are arguing with other people or, even worse, with your family because of a toxic partner, if you are hearing gossip behind your back and negative comments about you, it could mean that someone is aiming to cut off your communication with your social bubble.

What can remedy this? Talk to all the people you care about, listen to their opinions and analyze why you are in this situation in the first place. It's important to take an outside look at your relationship: You may not even realize that you are being controlled, while to others it is already obvious.

Criticism

There is a concept of double bind that was studied as early as the 1950s. When a person explains one thing on a superficial level, and we read another through nonverbal signs. This is what criticism looks like in a toxic relationship. It is usually disguised as "honesty" or "caring": "Who else but me would tell you the truth?", "I am just worried about you, don't you understand?" All of these simple techniques are used to humiliate the person and boost their self-esteem at your expense.

What can remedy this? Do not be afraid to explain honestly and openly that it makes you uncomfortable to hear such things. Say directly that such criticism hurts you and you will not tolerate it, because sincerity and humiliation are two different things. An adult is capable of withdrawing from an unpleasant dialogue at any time, so why don't you?

Inability to enjoy with you

Constant underestimation of your accomplishments, inability to share the joy of events in your life, envy of the areas in which they have not succeeded - they surely are toxic. "Yeah, that guy looks good, but he's probably poor, right?", "It's too early to get excited, work in your new job for at least six months first." These phrases have a very negative vibe and can not only spoil the mood but also might lead to depression.

What can remedy this? Stop discussing your joys with people who do not share your feelings. Emotional support in a partnership is very important, and if it is not present, there's no reason to stick to it. You deserve better.

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