02 February 2022

11 Steps to a Good First Date

You’ve got a first date coming up, so naturally, you’re feeling excited and stressed. How to deal with feeling nervous before the day? I’ll share some first date rules and ideas on how to combat anxiety and have a great time.

Some essentials for a successful first date

Of course, your first date is exciting, but let’s admit that it can also be pretty nerve-racking. You ask yourself tons of questions: what should I wear? Where should we meet? What do we talk about on the date? And what should we not talk about? So, I’m giving you some advice on how to guarantee your first date is a success.

Oscar Wilde once said: « Be yourself; everyone else is already taken! » and I really insist on that: be YOURSELF, no point in cheating, it will come off as fake to the person you’re with.

Don’t invent a whole new identity that isn’t yours in order to seem unique and make the other person like you - especially as someone you’re not. I really believe that faking will only make you lose time and energy. If you really like someone and you want to have a connection with them, show up as you are and you can not only save yourself time, but avoid disappointment in the future.

And I guess you already know the saying “your true colors will always shine through”. Sooner or later, you’ll end up being yourself. So, why waste your time portraying a fake persona? I’ll let you sit with that thought.

To sum up: don’t overthink it, be entirely you and only you.

Stop putting pressure on yourself!

First date rules are important, no doubt. But trust yourself. It’s not a life or death situation even if your anxiety is telling you otherwise: you’re simply meeting up with someone who could potentially be a match for you.
Tell yourself that you’ve got nothing to lose, and probably something to win with that first date.

Show up confidently: that’s the most important step. No one is looking for perfection or expecting to find it (we’re not 16 anymore!).

Pick a good date location

So now, let’s be practical, where should you go for the first date?

If you’ve taken the time to learn about your date’s interests, you’ll know what they like and what kind of place they would enjoy going to. If you’ve got ideas, feel free to show initiative.

But if they don’t tell you anything, you’re just gonna have to guess. No need to try and be original - simplicity is the way to go. Going to a bar, a coffee shop, taking your date to a restaurant - all those classic things work. Those are where most first dates take place because they’re public places!

Forget your apartment for a first date, you don’t know each other yet - it’s not safe. You need to build up trust, so take it step by step and don’t rush things.

First date outfit is key

You should spend a little time on planning your first date outfit, it’s important. Mostly because your first impression is key.

No need to go all the way and dress up like Angelina Jolie or George Clooney for the Oscars, but don’t come in your Sunday outfit, stained clothes or that old t-shirt from the 80’s you love so much… Put some effort in, please!

Don’t go into the opposite extreme either: a suit and tie for a simple Saturday coffee is going to be a bit too much.
And jeans, t-shirt, and gym shoes for a fancy restaurant won’t be appropriate either.

So, choose your outfit according to where you’re going, but also stay true to yourself. This is basic first date etiquette.

So, here we are. Time for your first date. Are you ready? I don’t want to put even more pressure on you by telling you what to talk about, as it varies from person to person, but I will tell you what would be a good idea to avoid. I’ve already explained the basics of a successful first date. Now, let’s dive into what you should absolutely avoid during this first moment you’re spending together.

Here are the most common mistakes, ones that guarantee an epic fail date. Don’t:

Monopolize the conversation and brag on the date

First, you’ll come off as a self-centered and overly talkative person, and you’ll also sound like someone who can’t listen and only wants to talk about themselves. If you want your date to leave, that’s probably the best way! Let’s be clear: we’re not going on a date to hear someone giving a never-ending monologue on their life achievements.

Also, beware of tricky topics like:

Your exes: love conquests and/or previous relationships should not be talked about in detail on the first date.
Money: stop boasting, you’re not going to win their heart with your shiny car.
Your future together: don’t rush it! Even if you want to.
Politics: always a tricky conversation, and kind of boring for a first date.
Religion: a bit too early to have a debate on your existential beliefs.

Be on your phone the whole date!

This one is pretty common: cellphones are the cause of hundreds, even thousands of failed dates. Would you enjoy it if your match spent your evening together glued to their phone the whole time? Checking their messages, answering emails, scrolling Twitter or whatever else?

So, don’t do it to someone else. Put your phone away and try to not check it while you’re with them. This shows respect for the other person and your time together.

Sexualize your date!

If you want to sleep with that person on the first night, then be it. Sexualizing things will be key. But it’s always important to find balance: sexualize things just a bit without going overboard, to the point where they may feel uncomfortable.You can be subtle and not sluggish. If you feel like your date is not responsive to your little sexual allusions, then leave it and switch your tone.

Use too much physical contact

We’re perfectly aware that physical contact is key to getting closer to the person, but don’t overdo it. On the first date, being gentle and nice is more rewarding than constantly seeking physical contact. If you feel the irresistible need to get closer to them, make sure that you have their consent, and ensure that you go step by step to make that first physical move. Judging by their reaction, you’ll be able to know whether you should get closer or slow it down: be mindful of the unspoken signals!

Superficially talk to your date

If you spend only 30 seconds on each topic, you’ll be out of ideas before the date is over. Let’s see two examples of conversations, you’ll see that the second one allows for more sharing and opening up on both sides.

Example 1:

- “I love traveling!"
- “Me too, it’s so nice to go places!”

STOP! Don’t do that! Go a little further than that type of closing answer. Take advantage of their sharing to develop and enrich the exchange.

Example 2:

- “I love traveling!"
- “Oh that’s great, me too! What countries have you been to? What kind of traveller are you (backpacking, hotel, with friends, solo)?"

Sounds better, right? Every story, every bit of sharing will have the value you decide to give it. So, make an effort, be curious, and try to ask open questions! With these reminders, you should be all ready for your first date. I’m sure you’re wondering: “So, now that everything went well, how can I see that person again without being pushy or clingy?”

After the first date, you can definitely send them a message to tell them how you feel and that you had a great time.

Don’t try to schedule a second date with them right away. Their answer to your message will give you hints on how things are going to unfold. You’ll easily feel if the person is receptive or not.

If they are, BINGO: start getting ready for your second date. Second dates are even more important, so I have some advice!

Talk about the same things you did on the first date.
Wear the same outfit as on the first date. This one seems obvious, but believe me, a lot of people do it! It’s important to show that you own more than one outfit.
Don’t hesitate to go back to topics that you talked about on the first date but didn’t quite finish, so you pick up on where you left off. It shows that you’re a good listener with a great memory, and that you pay attention to what they’ve shared with you previously.
Be seductive! This time, you can afford more openness about your intentions. Don’t fall into the friendzone, and show them that you like them as more than a friend.

So, here you go. And if that second date goes well, there might be a third. The rest is history… Game on, you’ve got what it takes to give your best!