17 May 2022

How to Take a Relationship Slow — 5 Easy Steps

So, you’ve gone on a date or started chatting with someone on Pure, and you can’t help but imagine your entire future together. You’re making up scenarios, planning where you’d like to vacation, marriage, kids — the standard. But what happens if that’s brought you pain and disappointment in the past? If you’ve been hurt by diving head-on into something that ended up being bad for you, taking it slow might be a good approach. It can apply to dating in general, waiting until the right moment for intimacy, not texting too much, or whatever else fits in your framework of taking things slow. Let’s talk about why it can be a great idea, depending on your personal needs and desires.

1. Recognize that it’s healthy

Not every second date must be the next day after the first. Not every first date must end with sleeping over. Sometimes you want to savor the relationship that is only beginning — and that is entirely okay. In fact, you’re giving yourself and your partner the time and space to figure out whether you are compatible and if you could do this long-term. Back in the day, people took their time and weren’t in a rush for the next big thing. So, why fall into the modern pitfalls of speedy dating? Isn’t it better to take your sweet time instead? They’re not going anywhere. And if they are, at least you’ll be certain they weren’t serious.

2. Forget what society says

Or your friends, or family, or online blogs. We create our own relationships, and we are the only ones who get to have an opinion about them. So, no matter what anyone around you is saying, it’s none of their business. The pace of your relationship is between you and your partner. In case you’re struggling with what to tell people, we suggest a simple “I appreciate your insight, but I’m going to do what feels right to me. Thank you, though”.

3. Long-distance dynamic

Taking things slow seems to be the only right way when it comes to long-distance relationships. After all, you’re not going to permanently move to someone you’ve just met on the internet, right? Too many compromises are required when two people are talking long-distance, so it’s important to be aligned on all fronts. Take your time and get to know them properly before you even consider visiting them (or their visiting you). If it’s real enough and everything is going great, then you can take it to the next step with confidence. In case the relationship is not bringing you any satisfaction, it’s probably best to reconsider pursuing it.

4. Define what you want and need

Taking things slowly can be a great way to let yourself discover what you need in dating. Do you like long phone calls? What about conversations over wine? How often do you want to hang out with them? When is the right time to invite them over? What about hanging out with your friends? All these questions require you to know what you want in dating so that you can choose your partners accordingly. Conscious dating is the best way to date — don’t forget that! So, whether you’re taking things slow or moving fast, it’s always great to define what it is you want with as much precision as possible.

If you need tips on how to start dating, we have an article here.

5. Communicate

Of course, lack of proper communication is the pitfall of any relationship — not just a slow-burn one. But when it comes to a slow approach, making sure you and your partner are on the same page is essential. What if they’re the type who wants everything here and now? And now you’re trying to take things slow. Most likely, that one is not going to work. So, communicate every step of the way. We suggest something along the lines of “hey, I’ve been trying to take things slow when it comes to dating because I’m prioritizing myself now. Is that okay with you? Would you like to discuss this?”. And if their reaction isn’t quite what you expected or wanted, here’s how to leave a chat (or a relationship) in the nicest way possible.

6. Stay in the moment

Everyone is always in a rush. In a rush to date, to find the perfect partner, to get married — what have you. We tend to forget that relationships, much like any other aspect of life, are meant to be joyful. Staying in the present is great for you — not thinking about the past, not planning your joint future. Simply enjoying your time together and savoring every moment spent together is the key to successful dating. Life is not a race and there is no ultimate destination you need to get to. Even if the whole world wants to convince you otherwise.